Control.

I get really angry thinking of how little control I have over my life. Sure, it's not entirely mine and all my life I have been nothing but dependent. I depend on my family, my friends, possibly everyone around me - to get to where I am right now. Certainly, I have been depending on God ever since I was in my mother's womb. As of now, nothing changes, I still depend on Him and those people I mentioned earlier. I am in no place to claim that my life is entirely mine to control. Perhaps that means I am not entitled to say that I can choose whatever I want to do in my life.

I am very sure that everyone else is just like me. I have many things I wish I could do. They aren't necessarily big things, like travelling to a foreign country or buying a designer handbag. Sometimes the things I want to do are as simple and plain as going to a mall alone, spending my morning at a park, eating dinner with a loved one.. And these simple things are usually the ones I am unable to do. I just want to feel satisfied for being able to tick those things off my bucket list. I just, for once, want to feel like I am actually living. Not just surviving. Yeah, I am especially in no place to say that I am merely surviving. Yeah, what am I kidding, right? Most people have it worse than I do. People will always think I am ungrateful for ever saying so. Regardless of that, they are in no place to judge me. They don't know how I feel, and they certainly don't walk in my shoes so they don't know what I have been through. I am grateful for every little blessing I have got. I really am. However, I can't lie. My young heart wants to go on an adventure, and there is always an obstacle awaiting..

Avoiding mistakes and always being on the safe side won't help me grow.
I need to figure things out myself. Please, let me make my own mistakes.