This too, shall pass

I've been trying to tell myself not to overthink situations - especially those that haven't even happened yet.. But it has been difficult, and I feel so alone. Every day I try to talk about it but I end up thinking it's useless trying to explain how I feel.

If I were to put into words, I think I feel worthless, helpless and just not good enough. I think all I need from my loved ones is words of encouragement, not another lecture on the do's and don'ts for my future. I think I need a boost of confidence - but I don't feel comfortable asking for this from anyone. I feel like I'm not worthy.. At some point I try really hard not to be a burden to people??

These feelings are so full of negativity, that I feel like I annoy people with my negative vibes whenever I try to talk about them. I feel like I'm wasting their time, hence I always end up changing the topic. Also, because I feel so uncomfortable to seem vulnerable in front of people. I don't ever wanna be perceived as weak and needy, hence I've been trying really hard to ignore these feelings.. I try to think of them as totally irrelevant.

After all, these feelings are temporary, right?
These feelings - they'll go away in the morning, right?

At least, that's what I have been telling myself for the past few weeks. Part of me feels like I need to seek help, but I can't help belittling these feelings. I don't think this state that I'm in, requires any external help. If I keep telling myself that I'm fine, I'll eventually believe it, right? The question is, when will I believe it?

I used to think depression wasn't as real as losing your left leg, or getting cancer. But I think it feels just as worse.. That must be why some people had committed suicide after suffering from depression for long. It's especially bad where you're surrounded by people who keep belittling your condition. I read somewhere that prolonged grief would cause you to lose interest in everything, make you feel tired, worthless, and irrationally guilty. Eventually it would make you lose the strength to even get up from the bed. Eventually, you could be diagnosed with depression. It's a long process.

I know I'm unlikely to be depressed, maybe I'm just feeling terrified of the future. Also, perhaps the lack of self-esteem is taking its toll on me. Or maybe it's just peer pressure.

IDK man, sometimes I'm all content and confident.. Like I can do anything I want. Like I have my shit together.
However, on days like today, I feel so blue. I feel worthless, like I'm not good enough for anything. Like I'm a burden to people, and talking about my feelings is a waste of their time and my own time, too. That's partly why I have been delaying a lot of things.. I don't feel like it's worth the effort. An obvious example would be applying for a job. I have been procrastinating that because of the negativity inside my head. Nobody really gets how stupid it feels to be so terrified of things that haven't even happened yet. God, I hate overthinking things.

I'm trying to fight it. I'm not looking for attention or anything, but I just wanna raise awareness that everyone fights a different battle.. sometimes people fight with the little voices inside their head, and it's difficult too. Don't compare.

Pray for me. I believe I'll be fine in time. I'm trying to fight these little voices in my head, but I swear it's difficult. I hope I could cry it out and instantly feel better.. Or, it'd be great if I could just wake up one day feeling like everything is right again.

I pray and hope that this is just a phase. I hope it's just the hormones.